Hope

Hope is such a powerful word, so many people hold on to it just waiting for something to happen. They do whatever it takes to keep whatever strength they have going. It's what keeps them up at night.

I know my hope was lost a long time ago, 7yrs ago to be exact. I hoped with everything I had that my brother was okay, that he would walk through the door at any moment and give us all a hug. I prayed so hard for him to just be alive. I honestly believe that's when I gave up my faith for god. He let me down, took someone away from me that I loved, someone I was going to need to grow up. I blamed god for all my rage, for not hearing me out. I honestly don't think I can ever get over my brothers death, he was a huge part of my life and to know that here I am 7yrs later still holding on amazes me. I could have given up, but I held on.

When I came out everything changed, I was happy for once. I had a few bad moments along the way, dated the wrong kinds of people, screwed up friendships, and made mistakes. My hope was finally brought back when I met a boy, he seemed to truly bring the light back into my life. I couldn't have asked for a better person, but of course being the kind of person that I am, I screwed that up. I cheated. Something I thought I'd never do. Now here I am suffering everyday for my mistake, I miss him like crazy. He was everything to me, my partner, my best friend. I know I screwed up royally, I would give anything to have my second chance to prove that things would be different. You know that saying "You never really know what you have till it's gone" I didn't realize who I had, I was too blinded by my selfishness to see my hope. I was drowning in my rage to hold on to what I had. I'm an idiot, I'm a liar, I'm a cheat. I am truly holding on to have my hope back. I'm not perfect, I'm a person who is willing to change, who has seen their mistakes. I love him with everything I have to offer. I hope that someday he will see, who I am. The person he first fell in love with.

Forgetting

I am so ready to get my life back on track, I feel like I've lost my way. I am so happy to know my family and friends are by my side, I really wish that I could have started therapy today I really needed it. Man I've got so much going in my head at one time I don't know what to do with myself.

Breaking

Well I'm back, it's been awhile but here I am. B and I aren't together anymore, and I've just been dealing with it. A lot of changes have been happening in my life, I'm back to talking to old friends, it almost feels as if they never left. I'm gonna start going to therapy pretty soon, I figure I need to better myself for the next guy that walks into my life. I kind of had a break down last night which made realize a lot about myself. That I've been through so much more than this, no guy is worth my tears. I'm young and I have plenty of time to find someone else, who will understand me. I closed a hard chapter in my book, but I'm ready for the next series to come. My life can only go up from here. I realized I have people who do truly love me and will always be in my life, and no guy will ever get in the way of that. So for now I'm gonna do me and I'll live my life to the fullest, I think I lost track of that. But I'm back and I'm here to stay.

Back To School

Song for today is Get Out of My Way by Kylie Minogue. It's a great song really upbeat, seems to put me in a better mood after a long day of work. Her new album is really good I would def. check it out

So today I signed for my classes for Fall Semester, and honestly I don't feel I'm ready to go back. It's really scary knowing I am practically giving my time up to school and work. Free time is over for me pretty much. Lately things have been stressful with work as usual, life at home has gotten better, relationship wise things are back to normal. It's hard giving up someone you've been with for more than a year. Plus side I found out my next tat :) I'm getting Le monde a soif d'amour which means The world thirsts for love. I just fell in love with the quote, just debating where to get it. I kind of want it on my forearm but we will see how things go.

Thanks for reading

Mario.

Just Dance!

Song for today is Royal T by Crookers and Roisin Murphy, I heard this song while watching So you think you can dance one night and let me just say I LOVE IT! I play it at work all the time when Joe and I close. I'm always making up some silly dances to it.

Today was a really busy day, I worked for what seemed like forever. I got to hang out with my friend Jacob at like 2am, we went to IHOP and he watched me eat, then we went to Wal-Mart and shopped. I love hanging out with that kid he is really goofy and we are always laughing together. Joe got jealous cause he said that Jacob was stealing me, glad to know I have boys fight over me. I've been in really good moods lately, but I have my moments where I get sad when I think about B. I need to be in bed we have inventory tomorrow, ugh wish me luck.

P.S. Buy Lights Acoustic EP it's amazing!

Thanks for reading

Mario

Moving On

Song for today is Millionaire by Travis McCoy, I love it. Just a great relaxing song, def another summer song. You just can't go wrong with it. I promise.

Well I'm single, so it's a pretty new experience, after a year and 2 months. I am back in the big pond. Not looking because I always feel its best for things to come to me, I'm just gonna go through everything day by day and see what's next to come. Me and Blaine are still friends, I care and love him. But this was the best thing for us. I've been through too many break ups to beat myself up over them or sulk, I tend to just pick myself up and move on, get on with life because it's the healthiest thing to do. I like to consider myself the Oprah of relationships because I give great advice but when it comes down to my own life I don't listen to myself. I'm sure everyone is like that though, but it's all good. I'm happy and sad at the same time, but that's a given feeling. Anyone been there, done that?

Thanks for reading

Mario

Back in the game

Song to check out is One by Sky Ferreira she is a really good singer, currently only has 2 singles but has tons of covers. She is amazing and the video to One is really good. Def my summer song.

Idk what has been up lately but I am lacking on this posting thing :/ I don't mean to it's just I come home and sleep then go to work. My days off I am out and about. A lot has been going on in my family, so I've been dealing with that for a few weeks. Things with my dad not being ok with me being gay, I mean the issues just pile up and it's not fun but it's life. I did however get a new tattoo :) one of which I am proud of. It represents future and freedom, for when I have no more school, and I finally have established my life. I'll post a pic of it, it's probably my favorite tat ive gotten, I want to add more to it though.



Well I really hope I get back into posting, I miss it. No more slow days at work if it were id post from my phone but we shall see what's gonna happen :)

Thanks for reading

Mario